Keep The Faith magazine - Britain's leading publication about Black faith

I’m having problems with my teenage daughter.  She is my eldest child, and always used to attend church with my husband and two sisters, and we had a good relationship with her. My daughter is now 16 and is being influenced by a friend I can only describe as a loose girl, who reputedly sleeps with lots of guys, bunks off school, and the like.  When my daughter started hanging around with her, I was hoping my daughter’s behaviour would rub off on this girl, but it’s the other way round. I am really worried, as my daughter has now announced that she is not interested in attending church anymore.  I’m afraid she also won’t want to take her exams or go to college.  I’m at a loss with what to do.  Any suggestions would be gratefully appreciated.
Sonia, Kent

Esther Fenty replies

It is not unusual for children to go through a phase like this. It is also at this age that peer influence becomes stronger, but a good foundation and open communication will keep them on the right track.

Reluctance to attend church does not mean that your daughter will be unwilling to take her exams or go to college. You should still be able to communicate with her about school. Take this opportunity to help your daughter set goals for the future; discuss coursework; TV programmes, etc, and spend some quality time with her. Let her know that you still love her and are interested in her as a person, despite her not wanting to go to church. You may also want to explore the reasons for opting out of church and could even negotiate, for example, Sunday mornings only. If it is not possible, your life is the epistle that she can read, so live worthy of your vocation.

Unfortunately, our children do not always choose the company we want them to, but with prayer and patience we can expect change. Maybe by getting close to her friend, you can influence this girl’s life. Try not to berate her, as it will make her more attractive in your daughter’s eyes.