I’m angry at my father for not supporting me as a child

I’m angry at my father for not supporting me as a child

I’ve been a Christian for five years – I’m now 27 – and whilst serving God has changed my life, there are still aspects of my personality that need work. I have major anger issues with my father. He didn’t support my brother and I as children, and we only saw him sporadically. What angers me the most, however, is that my father is the perfect father to my step-siblings, aged 16 and 18 respectively, and I wonder why he couldn’t have been like that to me. When I think about my father, it makes me so angry that I punch the wall or break things. God has been telling me I need to deal with my anger, but I don’t know how to.

Leon, Manchester

Esther Fenty says

When used rightly, anger spurs us on to accomplish great things in the name of justice, eg. Rosa Parks, Martin Luther King Jr, etc. I am also reminded of a saying of Aristotle: ‘To be angry with the right person and to the right degree and at the right time and for the right purpose, and in the right way – that is not easy’. It is therefore not surprising that your feelings of rejection and of abandonment by your father have turned to anger and are spiralling out of control whenever you see him in his new role with your half-siblings.

There is a fine line between anger and sin, and the Bible admonishes us to be angry without sinning. You are still growing in faith, and it will take time to deal with your feelings. As a first step, bring all your feelings about your father to your Heavenly Father in prayer; ask the Holy Spirit to help you to forgive him, and allow God to heal you. If the prayerful support of friends is not available or not enough, you may need to investigate Christian counselling.

Talking to your father might also help you to understand him, and to develop a relationship with him. His ‘perfection’ as a father may have come with maturity.