Young Christian leader and author, Kunlé Oyedeji, sets the record straight about dating and relationships for young adults
Myth 1: ‘The one’ is out there for me
This is one of the most common myths concerning relationships and marriage. Do you believe you have found the right one? Yet you are unsure? Isn’t it funny how one can easily say that God said this and said that about other circumstances life may bring them, but might not be so sure when it comes to God telling them who they should enter into a relationship with, or who their husband or wife is to be?
Christian psychologists have remarked that this notion of there being one person on earth that is compatible with you is taken from Hollywood films, where pictures are painted with the dramatic coming together of couples, suddenly meeting in an airport after not seeing each other for ten years. It would be unprofitable to assume that God gives man the choice of accepting salvation through Him as our free will, but gives more importance to who our spouse should be, as opposed to where we spend eternity. Where we spend our eternity is more important than who we marry in the eyes of God. The Word of God tells us, in Proverbs 8:35, that he who finds God finds life, and in Proverbs 18:22 that he who finds a wife finds a good thing. There is a significant difference between finding a good thing and finding life.
So, if there isn’t one chosen person for us, what about God providing Eve for Adam? What about Isaac and Rebekah? Or even indeed Joseph and Mary? As this is a widely discussed topic, check out the chapter ‘Relationship Myths’ in my book Relationship Matters on amazon.co.uk for more detail and insight on this topic.
Myth 2: If it is meant to be, it will be…
Imagine I told you that I aspire to be the world’s foremost basketball player. Imagine I told you that, in order to do this, I slouch around all day; I don’t train or eat the right food and, in fact, I don’t even do anything other than watch basketball games on the television. Do you believe I’ll become that great player? Obviously not.
Likewise, people who believe that God is going to bring them that partner, and that all they have to do is sit around and not want to put themselves in the right circles in order to enhance their chances of finding someone special, are also mistaken.
The Bible tells us, in James 2:17, “Faith without works is dead!” To say that it is ‘meant to be’ without being intentional is fruitless. It is fair to note that, when one is in the will of God for their life, they are likely to find their spouse along the way. It is the duty, however, for individuals to be deemed available and approachable to those whom they may deem as potential partners.
Myth 3: There are no good men or women out there!
I have often heard people say to me that they cannot find a suitable partner, or I’ll hear that ‘there are no good men or women out there’ during a conversation or at the end of a seminar. However, the Bible tells us in Matthew 7:5 that we should first take the plank out of our own eye in order to see clearly (paraphrased). That is to say that, before we start complaining that there are no suitable partners out there, we should ask ourselves: Am I a suitable individual for someone else? And would a potential date say likewise?
If we all look at being suitable and compatible, accepting differences that come with relationships, then maybe there would be more suitable possibilities; bearing in mind we have established that there is no perfect partner. Each individual is unique, and no one is perfect. However, God has placed members of the opposite sex in our lives who are compatible with us, and therefore we have a choice in choosing someone that is compatible with us, and allowing God to gel the relationship according to His will.
“It is the duty, however, for individuals to be deemed available and approachable to those whom they may deem as potential partners.”
Myth 4: Opposites Attract
Opposites can attract and can make good relationships. It is fair to note, however, that if opposites do attract, they must have agreed on something initially, in order to cause the initial attraction, even if it was the fact that they are opposites that attracted them in the first place. So, it is fair to say to some degree that opposites sometimes do attract and sometimes they do not. God created variety, and variety is great. I advise people not to look to enter relationships in which the person is a carbon copy reflection of himself or herself. If you agree on everything, there would be no room for you to challenge one another and help each other grow mentally in other areas.
Kunlé Oyedeji is the Director of The Cornerstone Ministry, and a reputable speaker in the area of dating and relationships. He is the author of ‘Relationship Matters’ and recently released ‘The Process of finding Mr or Mrs Right in Christ’ available on amazon.co.uk. For more information, visit www.kunleoyedeji.com