As someone who has been presenting shows about love over the radio for a number of years, when I heard about this new book, entitled The Love List by Sonia Poleon, I had to meet her to find out more. When I caught up with her for a chat, it was both fun and engaging – and a real eye opener. The book is the result of her own search for someone who would love her, and the 15 proposals she has accumulated along the way.
Patricia Benjamin (PB): Congratulations on your best-selling book, Sonia. I love the title and, before we get into it, let me ask the first question that comes to mind, which is: What is your definition of love?
Sonia Poleon (SP): The union of two people who have come to the realisation that they can no longer live without each other. This includes supporting each other, and sharing their space, thoughts, ideas and time with each other. Always displaying acts of kindness. Always being caring. Treating each other like they are the most important person in the world. It’s when a King meets his Queen and they treat each other accordingly.
PB: Why do some women choose to settle?
SP: I think we get to a place in life where we have achieved most things, and finally now we want a companion – someone to share our travels with, go to the theatre, and do things of interest together.
PB: What are your thoughts of the single woman in church, who is waiting for her Boaz to turn up? Is it harder for Christian women to find love, especially after 50?
SP: It is very hard for a single woman in church, waiting for her Boaz to turn up. But, if you carry yourself in a certain way, when Boaz is looking, he will find you. I don’t believe it is all up to the man; we have to prepare ourselves, and ensure we are in the right place. This means not staying at home all the time, thinking he will turn up. If you are out and about, eventually your Boaz will see you.
PB: So you’ve been waiting and dating, and various men have come calling, but none have been Boaz! I won’t do the joke with all the variations on the name Boaz, but you’ve had 15 proposals to date, and none have passed muster! How did you manage to gather all those proposals, when some sisters are waiting for just one?
SP: Most of my marriage proposals came when I wasn’t looking to be in a relationship with anyone. I had just come out of a long-term marriage; my children were still very young, so finding another partner was nowhere on my list. However, I do believe I have a caring nature. My personality type is transparent, and people often see me as a resourceful person, so I am assuming they have seen these qualities and decided I am the person they would like to share their space with.
PB: What was the most unlikely proposal you received?
SP: Probably the last one, as I definitely wasn’t expecting it. It was a builder, who was doing work on my house, and he thought with my brains and his skills we could become wealthy, so he thought it was a good idea to ask me to marry him.
PB: Which ones were ‘nearly, almost, but not quite’? Any near misses?
SP: Someone I agreed to marry, then realised that there were many things we didn’t have in common. I knew it wasn’t what God had wanted for me, so I had to tell him. That was awful.
PB: So tell us about The List? How did you compose it?
SP: The Love List – this is amazing, because almost everyone wants to know what is on my list! I started the list with two columns: Must Have and Can’t Stand. As time went by, I changed the titles and expanded it to three columns, and made it sound a bit like a job description. It took me ages to refine it and, from time to time, I do change things on my list.
PB: Could men be intimidated by the fact that they have to pass a series of questions? Is it counter-productive?
SP: I think they find it a challenge. They always ask what I am looking for and I don’t say. The more I don’t say, the more they are intrigued. Most men love the chase, and love the idea that they want to know what is on the list so they can match it.
PB: How will your book help single women who are wondering if love is passing them by, or who are just cheesed off from the dating scene? Will it help them, too?
SP: They will find it useful if they have not actually compiled a Love List for themselves. It will get them thinking about how they are as a person. It will also get them thinking about the characteristics of the kind of person they really want to share their life with. They will also go through self assessment. They already know what they DON’T want, but this will help them to stay away from that.
PB: Where can women buy your book?
SP: It’s available on Amazon.
Sonia Poleon is a multi award-winning businesswoman, radio presenter, author and keynote speaker. Follow her on Facebook and Twitter @SoniaPoleon. She will be among the women speaking at the ‘Highly Fabulous Woman’ Conference, here in London. Meet her there, as she will be going into detail about love, and shares her own experience of finding love after divorce.