Lusting is not virtuous by Vanessa Grossett

Dear sisters in Christ, before I begin this article I want you to know this is not an attack on you. This article is to make you self-examine, as we need to do better; we need to be the ones to build, and not be the pawn in the enemy’s games.

Recently, I was on a business call with a young pastor from New Jersey, USA, concerning his book. I could sense in his voice he was very tense and nervous, but I thought maybe it was down to my British accent, or maybe it was his first business venture.

When the business conversation ended, he let out a huge sigh, and started thanking me. He started thanking me for not ‘pursuing’ him.

“It has become so hard to trust women that it’s difficult to know who is genuine and who isn’t, especially someone in my position,” he said.

He then led me to one of his social media pages, where he had posted a selfie with his dogs. I read the comments from women who proclaimed to be Christian and, honestly, they sounded desperate – ridiculously desperate. Comments I read included: ‘Baby, you’re mine’, ‘What a sexy man you are’, ‘Ooooh la la’ and, when I looked at their profiles, these women proclaimed to love Christ, and some were pictured with their partners.

I felt so bad for him and so ashamed, I apologised on behalf of these Christian women. He continued to ask that if he did like someone, how would he know whether or not she is genuine, and would she be able to cope with the attention he was getting. He thanked me again for allowing the Lord to use me to restore some faith in women.

Ladies, wake up! This needs to stop. I know he is not the only man who has been or is going through this. Our brothers in Christ – especially those in ministry – have enough spiritual warfare going on, without Christian ladies adding to the fuel. Think about it. If some woman was approaching your son in a lustful, sexual way, as a Christian would you be happy? No! You would most likely say: “Son, you need to forget these types of women.”

Sisters, before you comment on something, think about whether it will first and foremost be pleasing to God. He sees, and I know these lustful comments will not be pleasing to Him. If the man is struggling with pride or arrogance, you are boosting his ego – and his struggle – by making these inappropriate comments. How about commenting on the things he does for Christ? How about including some Scripture in your post?

Secondly, if you believe by making inappropriate comments it will make the man like you, then sorry ladies, you’re mistaken. They will like you for one thing only, but they will not perceive you as being wife material. In fact, it will put them off. At first, the pastor told me he admitted the attention was flattering, but then after a while it had become demeaning.

Ladies, we can do better than this. We are supposed to be an example to the world. Let’s show them we respect ourselves. Even if a man is physically attractive, we don’t need to pay him any kind of attention at all. In fact, we should encourage them to grow deeper in Christ, and pray for them. At the end of the day, people portray what they want you to see, not what they are really like – especially on social media.

The only man you should pay special attention to is the one God will give you as your husband. Whether you are single or married, let people see Christ in you. I am not saying we have to be perfect, however let’s not make that an excuse for not striving for excellence.

Sisters, let us remain virtuous. Let us do things that are pleasing to God, and not be the cause of allowing our brothers to sin, or making them see women in a bad light. Be respectful, for at the end of the day, that is someone’s father, son, brother, cousin or even husband that you’re being disrespectful to.

With love



Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *