Karen Allen explains why men need women, and provides insights on how women can effectively support the men in their lives
On 20th February 2020, approximately one month before the global pandemic, I was the host of an event highlighting and honouring men. The event was revolutionary. There were approximately 100 men in the room and something very special took place that couldn’t be denied. Fast forward two years to 1st March 2022, which saw the launch of my very first radio show called Naked Conversations — a safe place for conversations with men, for men and about men. The experience has been life changing.
As a single mother of four boys, it has been exciting and exhausting, scary and supernatural. Raising boys is not for cowards! Prior to having sons, I wrestled with the concept of living in “a man’s world”; my past experiences with men had left a very bitter and hateful taste in my mouth. It took years of mind renewal to see men from God’s perspective and to love them authentically, but that’s another story for another time…
It was the event in 2020 that made me realise how unappreciated and undervalued many men were feeling. The responses after the event left me in tears for days. I didn’t consider that there were men within my circle who felt the world would be a better place without them in it. That revelation was devastating. That was when I made a personal commitment to honour and highlight men as part of my mission. I realised that many men are hurting and broken, many are hiding, many are running, many are dying, and what they need is for someone to love them back to life.
But there is a missing link…
1 Corinthians 13:4-8 (NIV) says:
Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud.
It does not dishonour others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails.
My conviction is that women are the missing link. We are the link that was purposely designed and designated to help and heal our men. Women were crafted by God to help men. Women were created for this very reason.
*** I realise this statement is controversial, having had many conversations with women over the years, because the realisation is that many women themselves are in pain and that pain has often been at the hands of men.***
Hurting people, hurt people. I know this first hand, but what if? What if we, as women, could push past or press pause on our own pain? What if we could see our pain from another perspective? What if we could find purpose in our pain?
It fascinates me that God decided to put Adam to sleep while He got to work on His masterpiece, the woman. God took something out of the man as His starting point in the creation of the woman. That in itself is a powerful metaphor. Every man who was ever created by God has something missing in him. Every man. There is no man on earth who has the capability to be self-sufficient. None. The Creator of all things, the God of the universe, said: “It is not good for man to be alone.” God remodelled the man, so that He could create the woman, so that she could help the man fulfil his God-given assignment.
The problem is this: the world, society and today’s culture have distorted and dishonoured God’s original plan. There is something missing in every man intentionally, so they will hopefully recognise their need for women. Men need women. Women need men. We need each other. God designed it to be so; this was His original plan.
There are so many lessons life has taught me as a woman during this journey of ‘seeing’ and ‘serving’ men over the past few years. Here are some things every woman can do that won’t cost anything (not money, anyway) to serve and encourage men they encounter:
- Be a safe space
- Be softly spoken (gentleness)
- Be silent (speak less, listen more)
- Be a servant (this is biblical)
- Be sensitive (pay attention to his needs)
- Be submissive (this is not a swear word!)
- Be strategic (you are an important part of the plan)
Women, we are the missing link.
Karen Allen is a minister, personal development coach, an activist who is challenging and changing the narrative for young people and Black men, and author of Thou Art The Man, a book for men. Visit www.karenallen.info
Written by: Karen Allen