More than a Conqueror!

Author and editor Nicola Morrison shares how her faith in God helped her overcome the pain of her past, love herself, and enjoy career success at the BBC

By the age of 22, I had lived at 22 addresses.

It may sound unfathomable, but it’s true. I had just finished university; gone through a break-up,; was on the brink of being evicted; and had made a third attempt to take my life.

For as long as I can remember, I had battled with a sense of feeling like I didn’t belong. Maybe it was due to the early demise of my parents’ marriage, frequently moving homes, and a lack of identity and sense of purpose which turned me into a habitual people-pleaser.

I was constantly shape-shifting to fit in and be accepted. From the age of six, I was bullied in the playground for my skin colour, my full lips, and ‘wild’ curly hair, which led me to chemically straighten my hair at the age of 14. When as a teen I tried to express my feelings of abandonment and loss – triggered by the death of my grandfathers and my dad leaving the family home – I was told I was “too emotional and dramatic”, so I withdrew and became mute. And when I was constantly told I wasn’t good enough by those I wanted in my life, I pursued toxic friendships and relationships, desperate to avoid the pangs of rejection. 

From the age of 14 to 40, it has been a long, winding road – one that God has been faithful to see me through. I have lost close friends, a family member was tragically murdered, and I have experienced domestic and racial abuse. I now consider myself in recovery, and good mental health is something I battle to maintain every day. I read my Bible, reminding myself of who God is in my life, and that He says I am ‘fearfully and wonderfully made’, ‘blessed and highly favoured’, and ‘more than a conqueror’.  But, even with Jesus, we will still go through trials, and I was truly surprised by how many of my childhood and early adult experiences would be triggered once again when, as an adult, I embarked on my career as a broadcast journalist in one of the biggest news corporations in the world.

Getting into the BBC in 2010 had been such a challenge, after years of failed applications, so I was under no illusion that climbing the ladder to get in front of the cameras would be hard – if not nigh impossible!

What initially struck me was the lack of diversity on screen. Apart from Children’s TV, there was no one who looked like me reporting the news. After completing my MA in Journalism in 2015, I was fortunate enough to catch the eye of a senior news editor, who brought me on as a freelancer. The initial jubilation soon faded, though, as I quickly realised that being qualified wasn’t enough. I was young(er), Black and female, making the already rare and coveted role of news correspondent an even more unrealistic aspiration for me.

I was surrounded by people – many with fewer qualifications and even younger than I – who looked like the editors, hailed from similar backgrounds, and shared the same stories. They were the ones who made it to air; they were often the ones who were close to the lived experiences of those commissioning them.

I remember on one occasion having to pitch quite hard for a slot in the schedule to be dedicated to covering the death of Kobe Bryant. Some felt it was too US-centric and wouldn’t resonate with a UK audience. I’m pleased to say I succeeded in making a compelling-enough case, and my story aired live on BBC News. Often, however, there were times when my stories about faith, race, culture and identity were not picked up, which was disheartening and, once again, I would feel the all-too familiar feelings of being misunderstood, unsupported, ‘othered’, and as though I didn’t belong.

It was at these times that my faith in Jesus had to override my faith in self. I had to remind myself of His promises: He would never leave me nor forsake me; He saw the injustices; and He was my Defender.

So, I pressed in and pressed on.

It was during a particularly difficult time of mistreatment by a senior colleague – when I continued to extend grace – that God blessed me with the biggest breakthrough of my career, when an editor commended my work ethic and offered me an opportunity that led to me reporting on the breaking news of COVID-19.

It isn’t always easy, but God is a Rewarder. It is a daily commitment to let His voice be the loudest in the room. Ultimately, He is the God who opens and closes doors, and His is the only voice that matters!

Nicola Morrison is an editor, former BBC broadcast journalist and mental health advocate. She is author of her recent autobiography, ‘Victory is My Name’. Visit www.nikki-news.com