Matters of the Heart

Ministry leader and pastor Yvonne Brooks provides wise, compassionate and insightful advice to readers experiencing problematic life issues.

I need help discipling fatherless male converts
I pastor a growing church and, during the past six months, a lot of young men have got saved and baptised. Whilst I am excited and grateful to God for our church growth, I’m also concerned. Many of these young men are from lone-parent homes and none have relationships with their fathers. I’m just wondering what’s the best way to mentor and disciple them. I have experience of my church seeing men with a similar background get saved in our church, yet within two years they all backslid. I’m not sure of the reasons why. They were loved and cared for by the whole congregation. And we had assigned them mentors. I’m not sure if they were overwhelmed with the love and support they received. However, I’m determined these young men will become fully mature in Christ and not go back to the lives they got saved from. Any insights you can give on the best way to disciple these men is welcomed.
Michael

Pastor Yvonne writes: Most churches are crying out for men to come into their fellowship. The whole reason we need to be saved is because we are flawed and sinful, which is separate to our upbringing and background. Along with accepting Christ as our Saviour, there has to be an inward renewal process, honesty and openness on behalf of the individual to come into submission to the Lordship of Christ. It is a spiritual process.

In addition to mentoring and discipleship, please consider that some of the men will have wounds. Some may be physical, but the deepest wounds are of the soul. Their upbringing may have been shaped by difficult circumstances, such as an absent father, an overly controlling mother, parental divorce, poor decisions, or things that have been entirely beyond their control.

These wounds are not healed, as the instinct of a man is to ignore wounds or cover them up and move on, but the unaddressed wounds become unfinished business that will impact on every area of their body, soul, spirit and lives. God has placed these men into your hands, and now you are tasked with assembling a team of people (maybe help from other churches) with the necessary skills and resources to complete their transformation process. Help them to build their devotional lives, which will include prayer, Bible reading, meditation and reflection, including teaching them the power of journaling, along with Christian counselling. You will be in my prayers, as the souls of men and women are so important to God.

My wife is pressuring me to become a pastor
I am married, have three children, and work hard to give my family a good life. My wife doesn’t have to work. Recently she has been pushing me to join the leadership team and study to be a pastor. I don’t feel God is leading me in that direction – I serve Him via my secular work – and when I told my wife, she got upset. Now she constantly nags me about it to the point that has become very disrespectful! I know what God has called me to, and it’s not to pastoral ministry in church. I’m not sure why my wife is behaving like this, but I want her to stop. What do you advise?
Jonathan

Pastor Yvonne writes: God should be the only One to call you to be a pastor. Your wife may have ambitions and romantic notions about pastoring. She may even feel that she would like to be the wife of a pastor, for the perceived prestige and position. I suggest that you both speak to couples who are pastors to get a reality check.

You must also speak to your wife in depth, as I think there are some unexpressed needs here that are not being spoken about and so are unmet. Maybe she would like to return to work! Communicate to your wife very clearly where you stand on this matter of pastoring, for If we place ourselves in that position without the call and the anointing of God, we would be committing spiritual suicide.

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Pastor Yvonne Brooks is a co-pastor at New Jerusalem Community Church, Birmingham and founder of Woman of Purpose, a ministry that encourages women to fulfil their purpose. She is also a speaker and author. Follow her on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/yvonnebrooks1/