Dear Black women, you are more than your resilience – you need rest

Esther Kuku shares why it’s important for women to take time out from the pressures of life and rest

Black women often carry unspoken burdens: microaggressions, assumptions, stereotypes and the emotional labour of being seen as ‘the strong one’. This article is not an exploration of equality, diversity and inclusion, as I am not an expert in that field. However, I have lived as a Black woman for many years and know many other Black women. We struggle to down tools and look after ourselves.

I have been on a whistle-stop tour of some of my friends in recent weeks, and there has been a theme: the need to constantly perform – the pressure to work twice as hard, speak twice as clearly and to show up flawlessly just to be seen as equal in the workplace. Even in 2026, discrimination has not vanished; it has simply become more subtle, more coded and even more exhausting.

UK evidence indicates that Black women encounter workplace stressors more frequently than White women, including racism, microaggressions, unequal scrutiny, employment insecurity and barriers to progression. These repeated experiences can create an additional emotional and psychological burden.

While striving, it is easy to forget to rest. God never asked us to carry the world on our backs.

Psalm 23:3 states: ‘He restores my soul; he guides me along the right paths for his name’s sake.’

Restoration is not optional. It is God’s antidote to the burnout that comes from constantly proving, performing and protecting yourself in spaces that don’t always protect you.

Having a safe community of friends and family will interrupt the cycle of burn out. It allows us to embrace the reality that we are more than our resilience. It gives us permission to exhale.

Ecclesiastes 4:9–10 says: ‘Two are better than one. If either of them falls, one can help the other up.’

It isn’t just about the professional spaces we occupy. In my new book, Stepping UP: A devotional for stepfamilies, I have a devotion called ‘Comparison: The thief’. It is easy to fall into the trap of comparison in our personal lives. We look at other families -– blended or traditional – and wonder if we measure up. Many single women face an unnecessary pressure to be married. Comparison steals our joy and our peace. Stop worrying about the things you do not have and embrace the freedom of not caring about what other people think.

I have been married for 14 years and have two children of my own, as well as two adult stepchildren. I am also an author, senior leader, daughter and sister. I cannot fulfil these roles well without rest.

None of us can navigate the layered realities of our lives successfully without putting ourselves first. For me, self-care is a strategy. It’s about doing the quiet intentional work of tending to my heart as it constantly pours out. I am getting better at it, I am learning to say no and I’ve released myself from the opinion and approval of others. Going for daily prayer walks is non-negotiable. What can you do to look after yourself?

Recently, someone asked me what my hobbies were. I realised that I rush around taking my children to all their different activities, but I don’t have a hobby of my own. I plan to start karate; I will let you know if that happens. Do you have a hobby? Why not start one?

If we are going to stay whole enough to love well and lead boldly, we all need spaces where we can be poured back into. Places where we can be still, without having to explain. Self-care is releasing the weight of external judgment, being prayerful. Jesus Himself modelled this freedom, choosing obedience to the Father over the expectations of the crowd. Give yourself permission to rest, regularly.

Esther Kuku is the author of Stepping UP: A devotional for stepfamilies, available from BRF Resources, or wherever you get your books from. brf.org.uk