Parenting during Christmas: Keeping children first – whether you’re together or apart

Chioma Fanawopo provides steps parents and families can take to make their children’s Christmas a memorable one

Christmas is such a beautiful time of year but, if we’re honest, it can also bring its fair share of pressure for parents. Whether you’re raising children together or co-parenting across two homes, there are always decisions to make – how much to spend, whose family to visit, and how to make sure the children feel loved and secure.

I know this from both personal experience and from my work as a parent-and-teen coach. I’m a co-parent myself, and I’ve walked through those awkward, emotional Christmas conversations. But I’ve also seen how much smoother things can be when families keep the focus on what really matters – the children.

Start Early and Keep the Peace

Children do best when they know what to expect, and planning early is one of the simplest ways to create calm during Christmas.

If you’re co-parenting, sit down in November (yes, that early!) and make a clear plan for the holidays. Who has the children on Christmas Eve, Christmas Day and Boxing Day? How will you handle gift-giving? The earlier you decide, the less stress there will be for everyone. When my children were younger, their dad and I agreed to alternate Christmas Day each year. It wasn’t perfect – it rarely is – but it gave our children consistency and kept things fair.

And, if you’re parenting together, the same principle applies. Sit down and talk about the festive season before it sneaks up on you. Be honest about what matters most to each of you and find middle ground.

Proverbs 16:3 says: ‘Commit to the Lord whatever you do, and He will establish your plans.’ That includes Christmas planning too!

Budget with Love, Not Pressure

Christmas can easily turn into a spending contest – especially whenever guilt or competition creeps in. Whether you’re together or co-parenting, it’s so important to set a realistic budget and stick to it.

One year, my co-parent and I decided that instead of lots of gifts, we’d each buy one special present and focus on shared experiences – baking, movie nights, or seeing the Christmas lights. My children still talk about those memories years later.

For parents living together, sit down and agree on a spending limit that works for your family. It stops one person feeling like the “bad guy” and teaches the children that love doesn’t come with a price tag.

Luke 12:15 reminds us: ‘“Life does not consist in an abundance of possessions.”’ The memories we make are what our children will treasure most.

Whose Family This Year? Finding the Right Balance

Ah, the big question: Where do we spend Christmas?

This can be one of the trickiest parts of planning, whether you’re co-parenting or married. Everyone wants a piece of the day and, before you know it, you’re spending Christmas driving from house to house instead of enjoying it.

If you’re co-parenting, remember that your children have the right to enjoy all sides of their family – without guilt. Speak positively about their time with the other parent. It sends a powerful message of love and maturity. If you’re parenting together, talk openly about family expectations. You might decide to alternate years – one year with your family, the next with your partner’s – or split the day if that feels right. Or visit one family on Christmas Day and the other family on Boxing Day, then alternate each year. This is what we did.

I once worked with a couple who always argued about whose parents to visit. Eventually, they agreed to spend Christmas morning at home with their children; lunch with one side of the family; and Boxing Day with the other. It completely changed the atmosphere.

Romans 12:18 says: ‘If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone.’ Sometimes peace means being flexible – and that’s okay.

Keep Christ at the Centre

With all the planning and presents, it’s easy to forget why we celebrate in the first place. But the heart of Christmas is Jesus – His love, His peace and His presence.

In my home, before we open any gift, we tend to attend Christmas service and be reminded of the Reason for the season. Everything we have – family, love, even the breath in our lungs – comes from Him. You may create your own tradition, like attending a carol service, lighting an Advent candle, or writing down things you’re grateful for as a family. Those faith-filled moments create memories that stick.

Final 💭 

Christmas doesn’t have to be ‘perfect’ to be special. Your children will remember how the season felt far more than what they got. So, choose peace over pressure. Focus on presence over presents. And let grace guide your words and actions. When we centre Christmas on love – for our children and for Christ – we give our families the greatest gift of all: a peaceful, joy-filled home.

CHIOMA FANAWOPO
Certified, award-winning parent-and-teen coach and mother of two children
Follow on Instagram @chioma.fanawopo