Relationship Mistakes to Avoid in 2025

Joy Roxborough shares how to build better relationships and manage relationships conflicts when they arise

I feel like the world has become somewhat of a strange place, especially in this post-lockdown era. The area of interpersonal relationships is no exception. After months of varying degrees of isolation, social distancing, and communicating through screens, I believe we have lost part of our normal way of relating to other people. Just as technology has unintended consequences, societal trauma – even when apparently resolved – has unintended consequences, too.

One of the biggest differences I have noticed is in how customer relationships are conducted when speaking with people, especially on the phone. Often, it feels like there’s a definite disconnect in communication, as if you are speaking a different language from the person on the other end. Furthermore, apart from disconnections when communicating with strangers, ask yourself, how many of your closer relationships have come under strain – or even broken down completely – since the lifting of lockdowns? There appears to be mounting research supporting an increase in spousal break-ups, for instance.

So, what can we do to protect and restore our relationships this year, whether informal relationships, work relationships, with neighbours, with people at church… with whomever? Here are five things to consider:

1. Deal with conflicts right away. This is nothing new but, be honest, how often do we discuss the conflict we have with somebody with everyone apart from the person in question? If we arm ourselves with a mindset to be gentle – gentleness being a component of the fruit of the Spirit – we could alleviate personal stress and misunderstandings with others. Furthermore, we will be obeying the biblical injunction to not allow the sun to go down on our anger.

Admittedly, approaching a person about an interpersonal conflict does not guarantee an amicable resolution. The other person may not even acknowledge that a problem exists, in which case, what should we do?

2. Adjust our expectations. People will not always agree with us, listen to us or try to understand us. Sometimes, they are on a journey of their own and are not in a position to accommodate our fragilities. Adjusting our expectations does not mean lowering them and expecting nothing good from another person. It does mean being flexible and realistic in what we demand from others. And, as we adjust our expectations of others, we need to…

3. Treat others the way we wish to be treated. Forgo the tit-for-tat mentality which is so easy to fall into on very subtle levels. Treating others the way we wish to be treated creates positive vibes around us, even if the other person does not reciprocate. That is not to say we are to repeatedly put ourselves out there to be mistreated, since there may well be times when some relationships may need to be ended for our own well-being.

However, it helps if we understand that, if we are legitimately ill-treated by another, what comes out of that person is a reflection of what is within them, rather than anything to do with us. Understanding this will free us to not take things so personally, and to still treat others with the same grace with which God treats us. Furthermore, negative responses towards another, that come from us in response to unresolved conflicts with that person, reflect our inner world in the same way that the other person’s behaviour towards us reflects their inner world. This is why we need to…

4. Honestly evaluate our attitudes and behaviour. We need to address any areas within ourselves that need to be adjusted to facilitate better relationships with others. Like most people, we may have a tendency to be overly critical of ourselves but similarly, like most, we may have a tendency to blind spots that leave us in denial about areas where we need to change. We need to be as honest with ourselves as we are with others, and…

5. List all that is good about a given relationship, and find a way to communicate our appreciation. Do you find that annoyances about another person are often at the forefront of your mind? We are all at fault. But when the Bible says that we are to think about ‘whatever things are true… noble… just… pure… lovely… of good report… virtu[ous] [and]… praiseworthy…’ it includes all those good things about the people we have relationships with, and which we may not have communicated to them recently.

Let 2025 be the year we begin to actively show appreciation to all those we are in relationship with. It could boost their perception of themselves and, while it is not a given, it could spur them towards making more effort to relate in a better manner with us.

Finally, only God can fulfil us, so let’s learn to see Him as our Source. This is important in every sphere of life – not just relationships.

JOY ROXBOROUGH

Creative industry professional, writer and entrepreneur
joyroxborough@yahoo.com